Friendship at the Crossroads

Some say there’s nothing permanent in this world, except change.

Others insist that everything has an end. Life itself has death. And while FOREVER and ETERNAL are promising words, yet in one way or another, you can not keep it all. There’s still changes. New things. New forms. New image.

During my grade school years, it pains me to leave my friends. If only we  have a secondary school, i won’t leave my school. But we don’t have. Our parents brought us to different secondary schools, without asking us wether we like it or not. For months after graduation, and even 2 years after we said our goodbyes, i still take time to meet with them. Spend time exchanging nonsense stories till the sun sets, and find ourselves doing it all again the following day, then the following week, then it’s just the 2nd saturday of every month.. then next summer.. and gone. It did not last long. Time is so hostile to us. Homeworks and scheds never agrees to our heart’s desire anymore. My high school days was greatly damaged by it.  I never enjoyed it like others did. My heart still goes to my grade school friends.  I miss the times when we plan to make surprises for our teachers. When we have to make a beautiful christmas tree from our own allowances, with out the teacher knowing. When we have to agree bringing fruits, milk, chocolates and other sweets to make a salad out of it. I’m the youngest then, but i lead the class. When the teacher couldn’t put the class into silence, she would ask me to.

I make friends with only few people, and that makes them priceless to me. 

At College, i was engaged to a hundred of schoolmates in a Bible Study group i’ve joined with. We’re only 3-5 who actively lead that group. Comes graduation, we managed to keep close to around 10 aspiring leaders. We build more than a group. We’ve built relationship. We’ve  built respect, trust and confidence toward each other.  The last night we’ve shared with at least 50 of them was quite emotional. Girls are crying. Some are asking, "Can’t we just be students forever?" Then unguarded, you found yourself lost in their midst. You are unprepared for that moment.

One of them sang the song "PRAY for ME" It’s the first time i’ve heared it. But even it is 7 years after, i can still see her expression… sad and true.

Friendship do come at the crossroads. We took the road God chooses for us, but a different one he chooses for our friends.  Sometimes we mistakenly assume that it is the the end then, but it is not. It’s just a new phase. Even a babe have to leave his mother’s womb, and even later, leave the family to build his own.  Neither it diminish the friendship you have established so far. it only means there’s no more room for both of you to grow. Possibly one is more mature with the other, or both of you grew simultaneously.. whichever the case, you’ll have to continue walking. Be glad that you’ve experienced the gift of friendship. Be thankful that you were able to spend time with them. Be grateful that you’ve met them. Lastly, cherish their memories… it lasts.

Pray For Me
M.W. Smith

Here is where the road divides
Here is where we realize
The sculpting of the Father’s great design
Through time you’ve been a friend to me
But time is now the enemy
I wish we didn’t have to say goodbye
But I know the road He chose for me
Is not the road He chose for you
So as we chase the dreams we’re after

(CHORUS)
Pray for me and I’ll pray for you
Pray that we will keep the common ground
Won’t you pray for me and I’ll pray for you
And one day love will bring us back around again

Painted on a tapestry
We see the way it has to be
Weaving through the laughter and the tears
But love will be the tie that binds us
To the time we leave behind us
Memories will be our souvenirs
And I know that through it all
The hardest part of love is letting go
But there’s a greater love that holds us

(CHORUS)

I know love will bring us back around again

listen the midi file here

is this company not good enough?

..so goes the question. it rings in my thoughts… even in my sleep.

For a hundred times, i gaze on this picture. Searching for a reason how could this people not good enough for me?

This is the only group that i never feel the distance all the time. I missed my family, i missed my church mates, i missed my previous officemates, i missed my graduate group, i missed my brother,  missed my barkadas..  Missed a lot of people because i can’t see them the way i used to. I can’t talk to them the way i used to. I can’t be with them just like before. This group has always been within my reach. I can always cry for a rescue and they’ll be around.

Hindi napapanis laway ko  dahil sa tawag ni always, di nawawala ang pangungumusta ni ate linsi sa kalagayan ko… I can think of migy’s passion in prayer and asks him to pray for me and si doll naman kahit nasa kalagitnaan ng RO ay  pwedeng-pwede na kulitin sa YM.

These are the people I usually expect and hope to meet whenever am online. And who could say that I am most nearer to anyone than these guys? (being this far and alone) Their blogs, posts, pics, testimonies, kulitan, at asaran sa isa’t-isa (lagi kong pansin si migy at lica ) really brightens up my day.

No, guys. No one, or group of people, can ever be a good company than yours in the web. More than 60% of my online time sa net, for the last 4 years has been spent in RF, where i begin to know each of you. Offline am thinking of you, am literally concerned of how I could be a friend and a brother to you – in the truest sense of the word – not in words.

I pray God will help me out to prove to myself and to you that am indeed a friend – - good  enough.

sana… sana.

c",)

I would rather be trusted than loved

My attitude towards my family, inner friends, church friends, school friends, office friends, virtual friends has always been the same(it may not be consistent though).My objective ever since is to be an agent of change. Most of the time, taking the risk which you don’t know if worth of the change you desire or not. But you feel safe knowing that what you’re doing is for their good, and that you’ve planted a seed of consciousness between what is ideal and real.

That makes them choose how to be in quest for the ideal while remains real. I expect the same for the attitude towards me. I want to grow..  i want to know more… the more i see things, the more i can say that i am unlearned. The more i hear people’s view of life, the more i see diversity, and the more the diversity there is, the more far you are from being united… that means, the more far you are from being mature.

The cycle i’ve encountered with friends since am in grade school, doesn’t change. That is, friends-tampo-friends-tampo-friends more-tampo more- and so on…the longer the tampo, the deeper the relationship is, after it was restored. It is not often the case, i still lost some. But i bring with me a smile knowing i’ve planted a seed of change. To me, it doesn’t matter how long it will take for a friend to realize, 50 years is ok with me. Anyway, real, precious things do not diminish in value over time.

My family most probably are the most deprived people of my affection-at-show, but remain the group that has it most. I rarely smile at home… Not until i’ve worked and noticed that am that cold to them.

I severed my tie with my college’s best pal because i believe then that i can’t help him to be a better him. For me, it is better to let go than remain useless. Got 7 of them, and i have experienced breaking to at least 5 of them. If i can’t serve my purpose, am good as dead, -alang kwentang kaibigan. I’ve got a few jonathans and davids in my life (discounting the Timothys). And to them, i’ve experienced the bests of what there is in friendship. It was during my college days that am at my peak of defining what really the word friend means. With this 5 distinct individuals, truly unique and different people, i was able to define friendship at the most comfortable point. 

The first one was quite teachable at first… quite inquisitive and humble. For me, it’s the point where he grew fast in the Lord, that’s when he is so receptive of instruction, open to rebuke and submissive to the Word. It did not last that long, probably he thought he did grow already and is equipped. He then chooses to be on his own. For me, he wants to prove something and so i let him go his way. I believe he proved what he believes. He became a leader himself and probably successful. For a year that i’ve prayed with him, discussed precious truths with him- i can say that i’ve done my part. And am grateful to where he is now.

The second one is quite stubborn; He is the kind of a person that has a boastful image. He want to pretend most of the time what he is not. People don’t like him most of the time. Truly, when you start lying to yourself and pretend to be something you are not; expect no people to like you. But for me, it is an opportunity to be an agent of change. I want to see change and prove to the world that he can change and is not what they thought he is. Whew, time with him was kinda tough.. you have endure everything. i stood by him. Have witnessed him cried, In his failures, i grabbed to opportunity to lift him up, and let him see things differently. five years after, am still doing the same thing. I told him he is not learning. But then he insists he can prove it to himself. He is still the same him. He never ceases to say thanks now that he is married and seems enjoying his life. He knows there is no reason within his reach to say i’ve been not a friend to him.

The third one is quite jealous of attention. He is smart and excel well at school. He wants always to be the best. He likes to be at the limelight all the time. And he spares no one, not even me hehehe. He wants my father to be his father, my friends to be his… He doesn’t want to be left behind. And in all of those, i let him. For me, if what he desire will help him make more see of himself, so be it. Else, am not serving my purpose to be an agent of change. He is too proud of me though, even wanting me to watch him over in the hospital and told his family to go home. I’ve witnessed his extremes and knew him far better than he think. I haven’t witnessed all the changes i desired for him, but have seen however the most essential one. These people don’t know that every single word i say to them, and every action towards them meant to do a lot to them. At one time, i told him these, he laughed… he do not know. But then, maybe in the future he will realize that whenever i talk to him about things such as family and friends, am indirectly teaching him to learn from it. He loves telling me his accomplishments. He’s so proud of it. And am glad to myself he learned it. He asked me once, if am really teaching him that much as he did not hear me discussed it to him obviously. Well, my style varies. And i believe you’ll value what you learn when you learn it yourself. That’s true wisdom. I caught his ear one night, telling him how valuable time is. I told him there might not be enough time for me to let my parents appreciate what i can do to them since they’re getting older. And that i can feel satisfaction only if i’ve given my best to them. Hahaha, that was a subtle talk. He is in awe. He thinks it just one of the many night talks we’ve shared, but then he send money home the following day and have his mom’s kitchen fixed, things he seldom or never did. I can write volumes of book about these subtle things i’ve contributed to the life of my friends, and surely they can’t remember most of it… but to know that they’ve realized it themselves is enough for me.

The fourth one is hyper-protective of me then. He has his own circle of friends. He seldom goes out with me. He enjoys the world. He prefers to be with the world. But when things goes wrong (and usually it does), he finds comfort in the Lord with me. I was more of a pet-dog than a person, because he is fond of giving things to me and reminds me that am the best friend he ever had but we’d never been together except for hi’s and hello’s. i remember one time sitting with him at the rooftop coz he’s crying as he was turned down by the girl he loves. He is fond of checking me if i’ve taken my meal or am ok. But we’ve never engaged ourselves in a long talk. I remember he made a bracelet made of copper wire as a friendship bond. I lost mine, so he broke his… he is so mad that he did cried that time, reminding me how significant that was to him… hahahaha.. When i remember those days, i can’t help but appreciate those people. Probably what he learned from me is only how it is to be consistent as a christian. He struggled well, i know. i am not that strong, but in people’s weakness, i usually find strength. I remember how many times he tried to explain when he came to the dorm drunk… I do not say a word, neither have I asked for explanations. I do not question them, but then they know that they’re on a improper state. They realize it themselves. i’m only instrumental of that realization, but am glad i served my purpose.

The fifth one is the toughest. He does not care what people may think of him, and therefore hard to convince that somehow, you have to live in accordance to what is that expected of you. He doesn’t appreciate people’s effort then. If he doesn’t like you, he’ll show it straightly. At one instance he was bought with a new pair of slippers, 80km from their place by his auntie. I can see the excitement of his auntie then. I was there but he throws it out saying he doesn’t like it. Wow, that was a real tough attitude to confront. I could have hit him then. I’ve accepted it as a challenge though. i want to witness the change myself. He relies on his uncle to fix his room at the dorm, to wash his laundry. He doesn’t even know how to cook anything… as in anything. It takes years before i’ve noticed the significant one. Now am happy and find him stable to where he is. It gladdens my heart that he cherished the friendship i’ve shared with him. He even assured to assist me in the future to help me out. It may come true or not, i’m satisfied i’ve done my part.

These are the people that won’t trust your word if you tell them they’re not your friends. You may hate them for all your worth, and yet you’ll find them still standing right beside you. These are the people now that i can get angry or scold to the max without fear of being misunderstood. They are the odd people i often associate myself with. i like associating myself with unpopular people. Co’z when you win their trust, they will realize you wish them no ill. They love you because they can trust you. But hey, i’ve got popular friends too… but then i leave them on their own, they don’t need me.

It was not a 100% change or 180 degree turn. That’s them. But somehow, they improved. Possibly i failed, am not into manipulating people’s lives. i want to be an aid though, of their changes. I want them to see things themselves, not because i make them to, but maybe i’ve helped them to. It wasn’t made for a day, but years… probably continuous to some. For as long as i believe i have something to offer, i’ll stay. Else, i will let go.

Got tens more of the like people i’ve engaged my life with. And my principle remains the same. Sticking to what is right. If you aren’t but is readily honest to talk about it,  i will listen. But if you’ll insist yours, then have it your way. I trust peoples convictions anyway, and i believe that if they insist on something, they have reasons why and can prove it in due time.

Friendship is not because of what you received or will receive; rather it is the value of what you gave or can give.

mY lAsT pIEcE

As it was, so it is now. It’s just like another high
school graduation. The feeling of being at the
crossroad is always straining to the heart. The
camaraderie through the years is too precious to be
left behind. And the corny jokes we shared will now
exist as reverberation of a sweet past. For many hours
that am stunned with the sudden surging knocks of
opportunity and the sad reality of losing in sight,
the people I learned to value most.  You are that
people. I wish, I could show it more than words. I
wish I could be more expressive. But on how grateful
I am, can only be described in a non-existing world.
The first job after college is more than a training
ground. You have to wrestle between fears and
confidence, trust and competitiveness, even between
being a good leader and a good subordinate. And I am
convinced I learned much of them if not all, and I am
more determined now if not confident enough.

Now is yesterday’s tomorrow, where you are expected to
do greater things with the greater knowledge and
skills you acquired. Comes with the earned wisdom, is
much greater responsibility and a much broader role.
Reminiscing our ups and downs, and backtracking the
peaks of encouragement and discouragement we received,
I could say that it is a skillful motivation that
drives the team to excellence. I am writing this piece
to you as a friend, and more likely, as a brother…
to remind each one to remember the past, remember the
people who helped and their contributions, remember
the lessons learned, sort out the good, trash down the
bad, and cleverly build yourselves on it. There’s no
more useless than the time spent with no learning’s
drawn.

Joy is not the same as happiness. I may not enjoy
anymore the same happiness I’ve shared with you, but
am surely bringing with me the joy of knowing you all.
Every one of you makes a block or more, of my being.
Every laughter is marked well in my thoughts, and
every tears shed, still drowns my heart. Your lives
have been a blessing to me in one way or another. Your
successes and strengths lifted me up in my despair…
And your failures and disappointments encouraged me to
care more and be vigilant.

Often, people do tributes to fallen heroes. But while
you are alive, I want you to know that I remember the
good things you’ve done to me. Yes, only the good
things, for i know no bad things. I am not shaken with
the so called "bad things" for even bad things were
turned around by God for my good, shaped my being,
hardens my armor and shielded me well from more
hostile attacks. I want to thank you – for being a
friend, and am reminding you that friendships were
always meant to last. I may be going off-line for now,
but our memories and prayers will always be on-line.

Make excellence you goal and always remind each other:

We were not created for momentary happiness,
But were purposely created for eternal joy.

…only if we pursue godliness and desire holiness!

-written for my ex-ATP-officemates 18Jan2005