When today becomes a yesterday

I know it’s just a matter of days when literally, i can no longer hold that high my baby Gabrielle. She’s getting heavier as the day passes by. Her laughter will never be as beautiful as it is today. Tomorrow she’ll set a new tone, probably a different melody. But never will she ever sing like the way she’s doing right now.

Six months were too fast. Surely years could never be slower. She looks so happy. She always smiles whenever she caught you looking at her.

I never regretted the moments we’ve shared when I fetch her from Negros and brought her to Singapore, alone. It is something I won’t dare to do again without my wife. hehehe… She literally gave me a treat of a lifetime. *lol*

Tomorrow, I’ll sit with her and show this photo. The color may fades through time, and papers can only preserve this much. But the moments we’ve shared will always be alive in my memory, well cherished and full of colors.

As For Me, And My House

As For Me, And My House

Joshua. One of the thousands who made it out if Egypt, and few who made it in to the Promised Land.

He was Moses’ trusted General. When Moses wasn’t able to lead God’s people anymore, Joshua assumed the task. That makes him one of the only two persons who completed the Exodus (the other one is Caleb).  God, through the brave Joshua was able to conquer 7 nations, defeating 31 Kings.  And so Israel taken over established cities they haven’t built, with a healthy supply of food they haven’t labored with.

Many christian fathers experienced the same amount of graciousness from the same God of Joshua. God enabled them to conquer life’s many challenges, providing them wealth of resources they didn’t toiled themselves: God-given treasures to live by and to live out.

Choose you this day whom you will serve.

Joshua’s challenge to the twelve tribes came after the last war. Before the whole assembly of Israel, Joshua delivered a strong statement before they would renew their commitment to God.

Joshua didn’t remind them of their strong and great heritage, rather their humble beginnings and how God made it all right and great for them.

The question is asking an impromptu decision that Joshua answered promptly.

"Choose you this day whom you will serve… But as for me and my house, we will serve the Lord"

A believer should not delay in making up this very significant choice. Joshua, and consequently the whole of Israel, chooses to serve the living God.

It started from his own self, "AS FOR ME" then ran down to his household, "AND MY HOUSE".

Joshua as a father is taking up the responsibility that the current society often left to the mothers alone.

It’s often the mother who raises children towards godly values and being socially responsible citizens. Fathers are often less spiritual, ending the godly growth of the family to the mothers alone.

Parenting is a team effort. But the Bible said, it’s the father that is the head of the family, just as Christ is to the Church.

Husbands should love their wives, just as Christ died for the Church.

It isn’t longer an "I" or "ME" or "MINE" alone as far as the father’s thought is concern. He should be selfless for the sake of his wife and children. He isn’t living for himself, but for his family.

A married man doesn’t decide for himself alone, doesn’t think of himself alone.

His decisions always include his family and their spiritual welfare. It is his responsibility to provide godly leadership. He doesn’t set up rules, but place commitment first to God’s principles He has given us to live by.

Nothing can be more important than leading your family towards godliness.

May I’ll be as responsible like Joshua so that when the Lord comes; He will find me and my family doing His business.

Letter to Yuna

 

 

 I will always be here.

You will feel the warmth of my presence always.

I will watch you grow.

In your frustations and excitement as you learn your first steps, my hand will hold yours.

You will never feel alone. No matter how far the distance they’ll tell you, believe me, i will always be at your side.

I will be the first to hear you mumble mmmaaa.. mama.

I will be the first to enjoy your gooss and worldless gibberish.

I will listen to you, until you can put up the words you want to say.

I will listen even it may appear that i don’t.

I’ll write down in my heart the things you’ve learned, the things you’ve said. So that one day, you can open my heart and look back how i cherish the wisdom you’ve gathered as you grow.

Never will you say that I leave you for a moment.

Never will you feel alone.

Never will you see me turned my back on you.

I will tell you great things about your God.

I will tell you His greatness and kindness until you’ll tell me yourself, “Yes Dad, i’ve seen His grace and that He loves me so much!”

You will grow in His grace, and in His mercy you will endure life’s trials.

When the time comes that you cannot see me anymore, you’ll be strong and nothing in life will ever move you.

You will see the reality of life in its purest form – in its minute detail.

You will cry and be hurt, smile and be happy.

But take courage, co’z you are just a sojourner, and this world was never meant to be our home.

And after you’ve learned enough, then i’ll meet you there – on the other side.

Peace in the midst of pain

At 7:30am today, the 14^th
of September 2006, our little prince rested in the loving arms of the Father.
Baby Kent was born with Down syndrome with some internal organs
complication. He was born August 11^th
of this year to my younger sister. He was loved and well-taken care of, to the
point that his 2-year old brother always complaining of being neglected because
of him. But on about the same time
today, BJ woke-up from his sleep and shouted, “Manghod ko diin? (Where’s my
younger brother?}”, then got back to
sleep for another hour, probably feeling the lose at his very young age.

Yet in all of these things, I am
grateful to God the way my sister viewed the situation. She willingly submitted
to the will of the Father. In the midst of pain, I can sense peace within her.
She’s still grateful to God for allowing her to spend time with her son, even
if it was just for a month. She feels satisfied of the love and care she
extended to Kent. She’s still happy that God has been gracious to make her
enjoy the company of his baby even for a while. During the painful hours before
my nephew gave up his breath, she and her husband was on the bedside praying
for God’s will for them. She’s not praying what she wants, but for God’s
perfect plan to be executed right there and then.

I can’t see what’s good in this
situation except that what my sis has observed – to remain grateful of the time
she was able to express her motherly love to his son. I’m glad too, that I was
able to hold that wonderful gift, even for a while. I’m happy that I was able
to kiss him and feel him near me before he was taken back.

I know that in God’s wisdom, this
remain a good thing for us. Nothing could be better. We might not understand right now, but we trust Him to bring us
through with this.

To baby Kent: I know we’ll be
seeing each other anyway when we reach there. We do love you.

update1

The last 24hrs was like hell to me. Bumagyo kasi, lumindol at kumidlat. Nagka-acid rain pa ata. But just this afternoon, My baby sms me an update ’bout the gift God  is wrapping for us. It simply brightens up everything. He’s there, curling on one corner. Silent, but moves a bit. Am so excited and veerryy  happy…

father’s day part 2

It’s father’s day again. I send something for my pa last sunday, so he celebrated it a week early. diyahe nga e hehehe… But i know he’s enjoying it. I know also that he’s taking slowly the wine i sent as a gift for him. hehehe…  20 days after, he is not finish with it yet. it’s not because he can not. but because he find it too special coming from me that he’s taking it real slow. See? My father loves me very much wehehehe.

Father’s day. This year’s father’s day is quite special for me. The feeling is high when you know that somewhere, a new heart closely knitted to you is beating. God is wrapping a gift for you.

I’m excited to witness the day when God will unwrap the same gift before me. I thank the Lord that he chooses a loving, charming, wonderful and most beautiful woman – whom i thought was only a dream – to be the bearer of that gift. 

From this day i will live expectant of that gift, the gift of fatherhood.

Father’s Day

I purposedly did not call my father today. Neither did i gave anything as a gift. He might be expecting that i would do surprises just what i did to my mom a month ago, but i did not. I think  it’s more suprising than preparing something for him. He’ll spend time what am thinking about him. He’ll think of me. He might ask why. And by making him think that i did not remember him, he’ll have enough time thinking of me, and i’ll have his time.

When asked whose the best man you knew who ever lived, i can’t think of anyone other than my father. He’s living a very ideal life, not that he’s good in every aspect. During his teenage life, he was involved in a lot of trouble causing him to jump from place to place… basketball lng ata bumubuhay sa kanila ng barkada niya nun. He go high school but employed himself as a janitor para may pambayad sa school, he even pay for one of his friend’s tuition fee. He make himself go to college at night while worked as a bus driver at day, at the same time supporting a younger sis whose into college also. He wasn’t able to finish.  He stood as the eldest when he is the third, on 11 of them. Losing a father at the age of 3, he stood as a bread winner at an early age, starting from selling pandesal to fishing. He leave a trail of strong and consistent image i always dream to have. The more i discover of him the more i see how weak i am… the more i say to myself that am too far to please him… much farther to be even just like him. 

Minsan, nahalungkat ko gamit ng lola ko. Maliban sa mga pic ng girls na may dedication for him, i found some of old test papers that belongs to him. 1960’s i think. 98/100… is the average. My high school exams has an average of only around 70. My grandma told me then that my father used to be the checker of class exams because of his scores. Ohh, i never received an honor like that. Being a working stud, no books, and being self-supporting that is, i  don’t think i can i survive with it.

No one can attack his principles. He will stood with it, no matter what. He is on his 50’s pero nakipagsuntukan pa sa work. He wasn’t dismissed. He can defend himself. At one time, the company lost millions for an equipment burnt under his care. He fight for his right and even turned the blame to the company. He wasn’t terminated nor suspended… not even a letter of reprimand goes into his 201 file. His manager asked him to accept a three-day suspension else the manager  will carry the blame, but he did not. He reasoned out that it’s the only record he can be proud of, if one of his children would happen to work in the company and might accidentally browse his files, he’ll be proud he have an untainted 201 file in the more than 20 years stint he spent with the company.

When he’s a President of the worker’s union, i can overheared someone fetching him at the middle of the night from our home. Later, he told me that someone is trying to bribe him then. And as expected, they did not succeed. He said, he can’t bear the thought of providing us from a corrupt produce. He even gave a lecture to the lawyer who act as an agent of the management, that what is being offered can’t match the shame it will mark on him as a person. And that his family up to his grand children will live in shame because of that instance if ever he will accept that one. Whew, can i ever live that up?

As a father, he is strict. i never ever remember he said yes whenever i would ask his permission, not until i graduated college and began earning myself. He is quick and stable in all decisions he make. Haneepp baga! I’m always afraid of him. At one time during my grade school, i was burning with fever that he grabbed my weak body, running me to the hospital. That’s when i found how gentle he is. Whenever i want to sip a glass of water, he would support my back and hold me tight. My father.. o, my father. how can i let you know how i appreciate the things you’ve done?

Now am this old. He’s the greatest fan i have. He never get tired of bragging to people that he have me here. Even if the CEO of their company would stopped along the road and greet him, he’ll find ways to insert me in the topic, that is down to the general manager, dept head and even among his peers. And lately,  he went to the company physician, not that he is sick but that he asks a prescription of what is a good vitamins for me to take.

One time, I confidently told him my salary range, and he blew my top by bragging it to his friends the next day. whew! – i am not mad, neither am pleased. But am glad i make him happy. He looks at me as an extension of himself, the fulfillment of his dreams, the one he think he will be if he’s been given an oppurtunity. But in a lot of instances that am not. Education-wise and integrity-wise i can never be what he ever dreamed of me.

For now  am confident though, that i told him already how thankful i am having him around… sometimes but rarely, in words. Papang, you never gave me enough reason to be disappointed any of the life’s lesson you’ve taught.

Mother’s Day

Today is Mother’s Day!

30mins pasts midnight, my mom sent me a message telling me first how happy she is on this day…

i’m not an actor. i don’t know how to cry. even at my lowest, i want to pour out my feeling through crying but i can’t, no matter how heavy i feel things are. But my mom… sweet words from my mom… always melts my rock-hard tears. She rarely shows her emotion. so rare that the moment she expresses what she felt is too precious to me.  I told her i wish nothing for her but smile. I want her entire life filled with laughter. i am not a pefect son. i have my wrongs.. both known and unknown to her, and for that i asked her forgiveness.

Her authority over me didn’t fade over time. she gave me my own identity.. without her, i would be lost.  Her words remain tough and strong. No, i am not a mama’s boy. i am a rebellious child by nature. But she never failed to wake me up back to my senses whenever am overwhelmed with emotion and fear.

Whenever i express insecurities and doubt on my quest for personal growth, she always ends up telling me, "you might not have a choice but you still have an option. Go Home!". It’s not meant to discourage me, rather showing me that failure is not an option. Co’z  even if i will fail, she’s ever ready to take good care of me, making a winner out of me again. She knows well that i don’t want to go home as a loser.

Through all these years, i prayed nothing but that on every morning of her life she’ll always wake up in surprises.

Today, i bought her a cake, telling her again how much i love her. She’s 2000km away, but i can see her smile slicing her first cake in her entire life, i can hear her laughter too. She received also her first bunch of flowers from me last Feb14,2004. i can only hope i made her feel special, and that her motherhood was a success.

Mom, i only pray God will give me life enough to offer you an overflowing joy every seconds of your life.