Trust

Trust and confidence are sometimes used synonymously. But a second look of the terms with the corresponding application to our daily life, one can see a very thin dividing line between the two. The word TRUST is so subtle that, in sociology, it is always a subject of passionate debate.

Trust is a choice, a voluntary action to place resources (physical, financial, intellectual, or temporal) at the disposal of the trustee with no real commitment from the trustee. Therefore, it can’t be measured. It comes from within. It’s a decision you have to make. It is an internal state.

Confidence, on the other hand, is measurable. It measures up the ability of one person to perform. I could trust my brother with low level of confidence that he could meet up my expectations. I could even trust him with no confidence at all. Trust comes off from me automatically to people I care. It’s not that I believe they won’t fail. But that, I believe they could fail and yet they would remain honest to tell me they’ve failed so as to still have my trust. I may lose my confidence towards them, yes. I may doubt their capacity and ability to perform their commitment. But as long as they will not lie or withhold vital information from me, they still have my trust.

 

Trust is anchored mainly on character, not on ability. You only have to be true. You don’t have to conceal information to avoid conflict. You don’t have to lie to look good. You don’t want to tell the world you don’t need people when deep within, you crave for them. A perfect person is a myth. Intimacy begins when you stop pretending to be perfect and start being real with your friends, family or your partner. Don’t be afraid to show off your weakness and wrongs. To believe that affection would last and harmony would stay by avoiding conflicts is just one of the many self-destructive myths.

   

I recently observed that it seems like I have a short term memory problem. But I have a very good long term memory that could even go into details. In building relationships, trust is very essential to me. You don’t have to be perfect – and that includes all aspect of your life. You don’t have to pretend. It’s easier for me to embrace people’s admitted wrongs – no matter how worse – than accepting later that you defrauded me. I often tell my friends and new-found friends that they might find me foolish in choosing people at times, but definitely am not stupid.

 

I don’t do background check, and certainly what you were doesn’t matter to me. But what you are as time goes by, from the moment I’ve accepted you as a friend, are pieces of puzzle that eventually would put your position in my life the real you.

 

You are either real or a fraud. You can be assured that what you say will be taken as true as it is from day one, that’s trust. But if you’re a fraud, be warned, for whatever you say doesn’t leave off easily as it comes in. It will stay there and will be a building block of your own integrity and will surely find you out.